Yesterday, I broke down. Dieting? Sure eating healthy is great. Strictly eating wholesome, fresh and home made food is great. But my expectations were too highz
Yesterday, I came home with take out in my hands which I wasn’t supposed to do because take out food has many things in it that we don’t know about like additives and maybe even MSG. My fiancé -who has been invested and fully devoted to helping me with this diet, cooking for me every single day, reading the labels before buying ingredients -was confused and upset about why I bought home take out food. Honestly I didn’t know why until later when I broke down crying in front of him. The reason why I bought take out wasn’t only because I was craving for it but I felt hopeless, like nothing in this world will help decrease my tourettes. I felt frustrated and wanted to give up through eating out and throwing away the dieting effort. I felt so helpless and hated my Tourettes. I bawled in his arms.
Later on, my fiancé and I watched a video about deep brain stimulation, which is a brain surgery for people with Parkinson’s and Tourettes. My dad sent it to me probably because he wanted me to consider it. But I was scared because my uncle who passed away had Parkinson’s and did the surgery. The surgery failed. He was forever paralyzed as his muscles deteriorated even faster. After the video asked my fiancé what he thinks about me doing the surgery? He whispered, “I don’t want to lose you” and started crying and cried with him. Personally I would rather have Tourettes than do brain surgery. But sometimes my hope is so low that I become desperate to choose brain surgery despite of its risks.
The reason why I’m sharing this with you is because although I am seem like a happy positive person who’s always bubbly and chipper, I have my days where I break down. I’m not perfect and I struggle with Tourettes. I have challenges like everyone else. But it’s about going through those challenges and never giving up hope. Even if you feel hopeless remember people around you love you and there is always another door opening for you as one closes behind you. Stay positive, have grit, persevere, stay strong, and march forward. I’m here for you.